How to Support a Friend with an Eating Disorder
Introduction
When someone you care about is struggling with an eating disorder, it can feel confusing, scary, and overwhelming. You might not know what to say, how to help, or even if you should bring it up. But your support can make a huge difference — even if it doesn’t feel like it right away.
Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions, not just about food or appearance. And while you're not expected to fix things, being there for your friend can help them feel seen, heard, and less alone.
“Friends can play a key role in helping someone with an eating disorder feel seen and supported. A kind, nonjudgmental approach can make a big difference.”
Spotting the Signs
You don’t need to be an expert to notice when something seems off. Eating disorders don’t always look the same, and they’re not always obvious. Here are a few things you might notice:
Skipping meals or making excuses not to eat
Obsessing over calories, weight, or body shape
Frequently going to the bathroom after meals
Excessive exercise, even when tired or injured
Mood swings, isolation, or pulling away from friends
Constantly talking negatively about their body
These signs aren’t always proof that someone has an eating disorder, but they could be a signal that your friend is struggling and needs support.
What to Say (and What Not to Say)
Talking to a friend about an eating disorder is sensitive — and the way you approach it really matters. Try to be kind, calm, and non-judgmental.
DO:
Talk in private, when it’s just the two of you
Use “I” statements: “I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately, and I’m worried.”
Be patient — they might not open up right away
Listen more than you talk
DON’T:
Comment on their body, weight, or food habits
Make them feel guilty or ashamed
Try to diagnose or label them
Say things like “just eat” or “you look fine”
Remember, your job isn’t to fix your friend — it’s to offer support and encourage them to get help.
Be Supportive Without Taking It All On
It’s okay to feel unsure. Supporting someone with an eating disorder isn’t about knowing all the right answers — it’s about being present.
Here’s how you can show up:
Let them know you're there, no matter what
Respect their boundaries if they’re not ready to talk
Keep including them in plans (even if they say no a lot)
Avoid talking about diets, calories, or body image around them
Gently check in from time to time: “How are you feeling lately?”
Encourage Professional Help
You can’t (and shouldn’t) do this alone — eating disorders need proper treatment. If your friend opens up, try saying something like:
“Have you thought about talking to someone about this? There are people who really understand and want to help.”
You could offer to help them find a support service, talk to a trusted adult with them, or even go with them to their first appointment.
Helpful UK Resources:
Look After Yourself, Too
It’s completely normal to feel emotionally drained or worried when you’re trying to support someone else. Make sure you’re also checking in with your own well-being:
Talk to someone you trust about how you feel
Don’t keep secrets if your friend is in danger
Set boundaries so you’re not carrying everything
Know it’s okay to step back if you’re overwhelmed
When to Tell a Trusted Adult
If your friend is in serious danger — like if they’re fainting, harming themselves, or you’re scared for their safety — it’s important to tell someone, even if they’ve asked you not to.
Talk to a parent, teacher, school counsellor, or doctor. It’s not about “betraying” your friend — it’s about getting them the help they need to stay safe.
Final Thought
You might not have all the answers, but your friendship really does matter. Just being there — listening, checking in, and showing that you care — can mean the world to someone who feels lost in an eating disorder. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present.
FAQ’s
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Yes — if you’re worried, it’s okay to gently share your concerns. Focus on how they’re feeling rather than making assumptions about a diagnosis.
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That’s a common reaction. Stay calm and let them know you care and are there when they’re ready. Don’t pressure them — just keep the door open.
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Yes. If your friend is under 18 or you think they’re in danger, it’s important to speak up. It might feel hard, but it could save their life.
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Absolutely. You don’t need personal experience to show kindness, listen, and be a steady presence in their life.
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Avoid phrases like “just eat,” “you don’t look sick,” or “you’re too thin/fat.” These can be harmful. Focus on emotions, not appearances.
